Dinner At the Arbuckle's

My friend Gar Arbuckle invited me over to his house for dinner. Boy, that was weird. His whole family was there….his dad, R. R., his mom Barb, his older sister Little Barb, and his younger brother, Buck. Little Barb, that’s her real name! I guess both his parents really liked the name Barb, but because she was a girl they didn’t think it’d be right to name her Barb Junior, so they settled on “Little Barb.” And they’re both real estate agents, and they work together and call themselves the “Arbuckle Team.” And they advertise a lot on local cable television. And they smile at the camera and his mom says “Hi, I’m Barb Arubuckle,” and his sister says “And I’m Little Barb Arbuckle, and we’d love to help you with all your real estate needs.” And when they say that, they both smile really big, and give a big thumbs-up to the camera. (At least they don’t say this on their TV ads, but on their print ads they always end with “We’re your Vulva Meadows specialists!” That just drives Vulva up the wall.)

They’ve got one of the nicest houses in Vulva Meadows. Right above their front door, they’ve got this big fancy wooden plaque that says “The Arbuckle House” in real fancy writing. And then when you go in, the first thing you see is an even bigger plaque, in even fancier writing, that’s titled “The Legend of the Arbuckle House.” And here’s the actual legend itself:

This house became known as the Arbuckle House in August, 2001 when the Arbuckle Family – R.R., Barb, Little Barb, Gar, and Buck – moved here from their old house about four miles away. Before that, it was probably called something else.

Now there’s a legend for you!

And at dinner, his whole family was talking a mile a minute. And there didn’t seem to be anyplace for me to jump in, so I kind of just sat there and ate. And toward the end, Gar’s dad looked at me and said “Duncan, what do you like with dinner?” And I didn’t really know how to answer, and so I kind of paused, and finally said “uh….dinner?” And his dad didn’t say anything, but he just kind of smiled a little bit and exchanged “knowing glances” with his wife Barb.

And you know what dinner was? It was soup, and ….then a different kind of soup.” The first soup was good, but not the second one. (You know, later on I mentioned this to Mr. Jeepers, and he told me that some people, when they’re trying to be fancy, still use “finger bowls.” Oh, I hope that’s not what that was.)

And I don’t think I mentioned this. Little Barb is married, and so her husband was there too because they live with them. She insisted on keeping her maiden name when she got married because she really liked it. The guy she married is named Bill Billups, but everybody calls him Wendel. (He’s not Jewish.) They’ve got three-year old twin boys, named Romulus and Remus, and everybody just calls them the Billups twins. But the twins weren’t there at dinner – I don’t know where they were. After dinner I asked Gar where his sister came up with those names. And now this is interesting: it turns out that’s her dad’s name. Yup, Gar’s dad’s real name is Romulus Remus Arbuckle. I think I’d probably go by R. R. too.

Yowzer.

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And now, Our Duncan Funk Song of the Day. You may have heard of these lads before. I think this is just a great song, but it’s one you almost never hear. Oh, but today you do. Click the title to see the video.

Title: I Me Mine
Artist: The Beatles
Album: Let It Be ... Naked