A Speeding Ticket, Damn

Yes I got a speeding ticket. Fish farts!

Vulva and I were driving along the freeway when I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw those dreaded blue flashing lights. I pulled over, and when the officer came up to my window and told me he had clocked me going eight miles over the limit, I patiently explained that Vulva had been passing gas – through her anus no less! – and I was simply trying to out-drive the smell. But he acted as though he had heard that excuse a million times before, and was having none of it.

To top it all off, not only did I get a $124 ticket, after the officer left Vulva verbally accosted me, saying that I had embarrassed her by claiming she had been the gas purveyor when in fact in had been me. Once again I was in the position of having to patiently explain to her that while, yes, I may have been the actual culprit, there was simply no way the officer would believe that, and so I had no choice but to present it in a way that would sound at least somewhat plausible. Although she grew quiet, I like to think that she eventually realized that I had a compelling argument. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. All I know is there was no dunking or funking in Duncan Town last night. Fish farts.

* * * * *

Quick, quick, quick like a monkey I said to Adam, give me a suggestion for Our Duncan Funk Song of the Day. And here it is.

Title: Lost in the Flood
Artist: Bruce Springsteen