Planning on Going "Down There?" Forget the Duct Tape!

Monday, May 26, 2014

Planning on Going "Down There?" Forget the Duct Tape!

Ninety-nine times out of a hundred you're not going to need it. So why bother?

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Our Ever Growing and Ever Lovin' Cast of Characters

Duncan Funk: Yours truly

Vulva Meadows: My girlfriend. To her embarrassment, Vulva Meadows also happens to be the name of one of the largest housing developments around these parts.

Pooters: My dog

Mr. Jeepers: someone I seem to have a lot of interaction with

Officer and Mrs. Cornhole, and their daughter Nikki: my neighbors. They also perform as a family singing group and are known as The Singing Cornholes.

Roy Noyes: one of my friends

Gar Arbuckle: another one of my friends

R. R. Arbuckle: Gar’s dad, and President of the Vulva Meadows Neighborhood Watch Program

The Rest of the Arbuckle Family: Barb Arbuckle (Gar’s mom), Little Barb Arbuckle (Gar’s older sister) and Buck Arbuckle (Gar’s little brother)

Bill Billups, Who Goes by Wendel (He’s not Jewish): husband of Little Barb Arbuckle

The Billups Twins, Romulus and Remus: twin sons of Little Barb Arbuckle and Bill (Wendel) Billups

Gus Peters, aka Chief Peters, aka Curly Peters: our Police Chief

Jimmy Cakes: another one of my friends

Gina Lou Bitters: A girl Roy Noyes has a crush on

Elroy Noyes: Roy’s dad

Eleanor Galore: Gar Arbuckle’s romantic interest (and great, great grand niece of Ethel Galore, who used to be known as Pussy Galore)

White and Wong: a new local folk-duo, consisting of Jason White and Phillip Wong

Wes Wong: Younger brother of Phillip Wong, and Elmer Fudd musical songster

Dr. Nels Nooldeman: Our town's Gastroenterologist, and award-winning limerick writer

Willard "Red" Herring: Bi-sexual pitcher for the Lehigh Valley IronPigs

Monday, May 26, 2014