Dear Abby . . .

One thing I like to do, I guess you could almost call it my passion, is to do what I call “sing Frenchie.”  This involves singing what sound like French-sounding words (some of them may actually be!) to an old-fashioned Frenchie-sounding melody.  It comes out, I think, sounding very pleasant, like something you could have heard in a Paris nightclub back in the late 1940’s or 50’s.  But to put my individual spin on it, usually at about the 10 or 15 second mark, I substitute a “farting” noise for one of the words.  And then as the song progresses, I add more and more farting noises, to the point where sometimes there are more farting noises than words!

My girlfriend, I’ll call her “Vulva,” is apparently tiring of my newfound passion.  She says it’s insulting to the French people, and worse, it’s not funny.  Well it may be a little insulting, but not really ‘cause it’s all in good fun; heck, I like Frenchies and there’s absolutely no disrespect intended!  But to say it’s not funny, well that’s just ridiculous!  Of course it’s funny.  It’s hilarious!

Abby, I feel hurt by Vulva’s attitude.  What do you think?

Duncan

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Dear Duncan . . .

I think Vulva’s a lucky woman to have someone as creative, entertaining, and amusing as you seem to be.  Clearly, “singing Frenchie” is something most people would find amusing, if not, as you say, downright hilarious.  As long as you confine engaging in this passion to your own home, plus no more than perhaps a few select public places, I see no downside whatsoever.  You may want to consult with Vulva’s doctor about this, or perhaps you could suggest professional help for her – you may want to look in your local phone book under “Counseling -Humor.”  Or just simply show her this column.

 

Abby