I was talking on the phone last night to someone. I don't want to reveal that person's identity, but for simplicity's sake let's call him President Obama. I mentioned that I had made chili for dinner that night. The President was interested in what recipe I used, and so I told him and he then asked if I could email it to him. I said sure. So that's what I did. Instead of re-typing it I just scanned the typed copy I had and included that as an attachment in the email I sent. I also mentioned that I followed the recipe pretty much exactly, with two exceptions, and I told him what they were. An hour or so went by and I started thinking, "wait a minute ... there's a couple of other changes I make to that recipe." So I emailed the President back as follows:
Subject: This is Gnawing At Me
When I sent you the chili recipe, I said I do it exactly
like it says except for two things. But I’ve since thought of two other
things: 1) I always use less salt than a recipe calls for; at least half if not
a quarter, and most importantly 2) the recipe calls for a whole can of stewed
tomatoes. Fuck that! Stewed tomatoes look like a collection
of human testicles and/or ovaries freshly removed from the human body, and I
just won’t have that in my chili. I won’t! So I use two 15 oz cans
of Hunt’s Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes instead. Gives it the same
flavor without testicles or ovaries. That’s something I can feel good
about.
The President got back to me shortly thereafter:
I
already placed an amazon fresh order for stuff to make the chili, and I had no
desire to mess with canned gonads either, so I already made the diced
substitution!
And that's it ladies and gentlemen. Have a pleasant day.
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