Exuse Me, Dr. Scholl - Have You Thought About This?

Am I the only one who thinks that Dr. Scholl, of foot comfort fame, might be really missing an incredible opportunity? With their overall know-how, and most importantly their gellin’ technology, shouldn’t they be perfectly positioned to design underwear that truly is fun-to-wear? And they probably wouldn’t even have to worry about the actual underwear itself – just like for their foot products, inserts would probably work just fine. As big as the smiles are that you see now on the people in their TV ads, imagine how big those smiles would be if their focus was moved a little north, if you know what I mean. Come on, Dr. Scholl – what about it?

Interestingly, Mr. Jeepers told me he actually took a stab at this underwear-that’s-fun-to-wear concept several years ago himself. He said his approach used a complex system of pulleys and counter-weights. He said that while the prototypes he developed were pleasant enough to wear while stationary, they weren’t practical for moving about in because of the dual problems of excess weight and clanking.

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For Our Duncan Funk Song of the Day, I’m just going to run this up the flagpole. For Dr. Scholl’s new product – let’s call them “pleasure inserts” – let’s build the marketing campaign around Bob Dylan’s song I Want You. But we’ll tweak the chorus just a bit, so it will say “I want them, I want them, I want them, sooo bad.” I like it. Dr. Scholl, I’ve pretty much led you to water – all you have to do now is drink. (Hopefully you’ll see fit to award me at least a small commission.)

Title: I Want You
Artist: Bob Dylan