More And More Northwest Women Are Turning To Spawning To Satisfy Their Sexual Urges

Monday, September 16, 2013

More And More Northwest Women Are Turning To Spawning To Satisfy Their Sexual Urges

Meanwhile, more and more Northwest men are asking "what the fuck?"

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Our Ever Growing and Ever Lovin' Cast of Characters

Duncan Funk: Yours truly

Vulva Meadows: My girlfriend. To her embarrassment, Vulva Meadows also happens to be the name of one of the largest housing developments around these parts.

Pooters: My dog

Mr. Jeepers: someone I seem to have a lot of interaction with

Officer and Mrs. Cornhole, and their daughter Nikki: my neighbors. They also perform as a family singing group and are known as The Singing Cornholes.

Roy Noyes: one of my friends

Gar Arbuckle: another one of my friends

R. R. Arbuckle: Gar’s dad, and President of the Vulva Meadows Neighborhood Watch Program

The Rest of the Arbuckle Family: Barb Arbuckle (Gar’s mom), Little Barb Arbuckle (Gar’s older sister) and Buck Arbuckle (Gar’s little brother)

Bill Billups, Who Goes by Wendel (He’s not Jewish): husband of Little Barb Arbuckle

The Billups Twins, Romulus and Remus: twin sons of Little Barb Arbuckle and Bill (Wendel) Billups

Gus Peters, aka Chief Peters, aka Curly Peters: our Police Chief

Jimmy Cakes: another one of my friends

Gina Lou Bitters: A girl Roy Noyes has a crush on

Elroy Noyes: Roy’s dad

Eleanor Galore: Gar Arbuckle’s romantic interest (and great, great grand niece of Ethel Galore, who used to be known as Pussy Galore)

White and Wong: a new local folk-duo, consisting of Jason White and Phillip Wong

Wes Wong: Younger brother of Phillip Wong, and Elmer Fudd musical songster

Dr. Nels Nooldeman: Our town's Gastroenterologist, and award-winning limerick writer

Willard "Red" Herring: Bi-sexual pitcher for the Lehigh Valley IronPigs

Monday, September 16, 2013