I'm So Jazzed I Can Hardly Stand It!

I stopped by Mr. Jeeper’s place earlier today, and he was listening to an “oldies” radio station. I mean this was really, really old stuff, like from back in 1961 or 62….even before people had learned to speak in complete sentences. And anyway, this song came on, and like after the first 30 seconds I was singing along. It was a song by a guy named Gene Chandler and it was called Duke of Earl, and it had this chorus that just kept being repeated over and over and over:

Duke, Duke, Duke,
Duke of Earl of Earl, Duke Duke
Duke of Earl, Duke Duke
Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke

And then in one of the verses he’s talking about his girlfriend and how he’s going to hold her, and when he does, she’ll “be my Duchess, Duchess of Earl.” And then he sings about how together they’ll walk through his “Duke-dom.”

Well if you know me at all by now, you’ll see where I’m going with this. I mean it’s just a natural …

Dunk, Dunk, Dunk,
Duncan Funk, Funk, Funk, (you get the idea)

And then in one of the verses I can sing about Vulva, and how she’ll be my “Dunkeness of Funk,” and how together we’ll walk through my “Funk-dom.”

But wait, it gets even better! Lots better! I came across the YouTube clip below, and as you’ll be able to see for yourself, Mr. Chandler was a showman extraordinaire! I can’t wait for the next talent show. I’m going to dress up just like Gene Chandler with his cape and his top coat and tails, and the white gloves. And I can do those same movements that he does – the peculiar hand clapping and touching his forehead. (What the hell is that, anyway?) BUT I CAN DO THAT! Hell yes! And I’ll get my friends to sit at tables in the audience just like in the video, and I’ll do my updated version of this classic. Those Singing Cornholes won’t know what hit ‘em. Same for White and Wong.

Now I should warn you that it’s not an absolutely perfect fit. Mr. Chandler sings “As I walk through this world, nothing can stop the Duke of Earl.” Well, “Earl” rhymes with “world” better than “Funk” does, and there’s nothing I can do about that. And also, he is “the Duke of Earl.” I don’t think I want to be “the Duncan Funk,” but the number of syllables is important for meter. (That’s poetry talk.) But here’s what I came up with to address that: "As I walk through this world, nothing can stop, uh, Duncan Funk.” Whatta you think? So watch and enjoy the video, and just imagine that’s me, Duncan Funk, up there. All right! Click on the title to see the video.

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Song: Duke of Earl
Artist: Gene Chandler